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empty romantics
interpret that as you please
because I can hardly speak
for myself anymore
it was all just semantics
promises i couldn't keep
i didn't believe
and it's catching up to me
but I'll get what i deserve i guess
and feeling this way
it's part of living in a mess
that no one else made
and looking out tonight
my half-lit neighborhood
i'm not running away
i'm leaving here for good.
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2. |
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i think it's safe to say that
we both agree
on these lines we've drawn up
and will not cross again
you're moving north
and myself the other way
i'll pass you on the interstate
and don't take long now
and i'll do the same
forget this room
and everything that love creates
because it's heading north
and mine the other way
it'll pass you on the interstate
because what there left to add to?
these are just my favorite chords
to take with me
down that interstate.
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3. |
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the west coast is for runaways
i can see the wheels turning in your head
no need for reasons now
concentrate on single breaths
try to save the ones
the number you have left
the west coast is for runaways
and it's not about the weather
or the view
if there's another way to live here
let me in on how to be
because i'm following the coastline
just for you.
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4. |
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it's the little things
you put in place
spread out on floors
in too many ways
you can't count on times
but we'll soon forget
don't trust a word
and back towards the nearest exit
there's a different face
and it's every night
there's a task at hand
and it's whatever feels right
as the moment we live for
is the moment we're in
and even when it fails
we'll just make the trek again
a slow exhale is a soft embrace
while the city sleeps
through dimpled window panes
can't count on times
but we'll soon forget
can't trust a word
just back towards the nearest exit.
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5. |
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this voice is a terrible thing
i open my mouth and pretend to sing
it cracks under the weight
of silly thoughts again
i try to fix them
but it all just turns to dust and
these words can't keep you off my mind
these lines arranged in the night
won't mend any problems
or convince what's inside
they crack under the weight
of walls of thoughts again
i try to fix them
but it all just turns to dust and
these words can't keep you off my mind
did I really think so?
i didn't think so
because these words can't keep you off my mind.
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6. |
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and the hour gets late
lying around on a bed, unmade
b. wilson must have felt the same
and take me up
everything moves ahead in an arc
as high as it flies, it drops just as far
trajectories all call it a day
in the end, that's what it becomes, and that's ok
just take me up.
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7. |
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hands move across the face
this hour
time goes full speed
unphased and unsympathetic
to tired feet and
iceberg warnings
and i was mistaken
thinking it would be unsinkable
and free
but hindsight's 20/20
resting at the bottom of the sea
hands still move across the face
though it's slower now for me
i've counted up my losses
at the bottom of the sea
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8. |
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it's january and time to go
and time to go
and the ones who kept you here
aren't here anymore
and the reasons in other cities
call louder than ever before
this january means
it's time go
and there's no blame dear
we're clear as the sun
when everybody you love
moves out or moves on.
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9. |
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whitney, keep trying
don't let it all go to waste
someday you'll get used to
living in this place
don't drink all the time
please keeping plucking all those strings
because the world rests easy
when it knows you still sing
whitney, keep trying
don't let it all go to waste
someday you'll get used to
being in this age
little fawns are still out there
there's beauty in the mess
sometimes it takes a lot to see it
well, but I'm sure of it nonetheless
whitney, keep trying
don't let it all go to waste
someday you'll get used to
living in this place.
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10. |
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your lights shine through the window
you're awake when i arrive
it's not that we're distracted
but we'll probably stay up all night
and there's no rhyme or reason to it
we'll have it no other way
this wasn't how i planned on it to be
but it's where the pieces fell in place
now i'm stumbling to your door
make my way up to the stairs
i've probably made this trip before
but i'm always left so unprepared
but you're special kind of being
and someday i hope to be the same
i've still got so much to learn about you
but sometimes i can't wait
and there's no rhyme or reason to it
we'll have it no other way
this wasn't how i planned on it to be
but it's where the pieces fell in place.
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11. |
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no more staying up late
and no more bad dreams for me
i've tucked myself in
and don't plan to leave
just sleep easy
i've been tired
i've been so tired
just sleep easy.
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12. |
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the other day
i went by the place
and it was strange to think
of how much it's changed
not the walls and doors
or the lonely views
but the friends
who used to sit on that roof
until the sun came up
to help us come down
tuck us into our beds
while the people around
woke up to live
a more regular life
instead of sleeping all day
so we could stay up all night
it's 5 am and where are you?
it's 5 am and where are you now?
it's better now though
i think we'd all agree
to take a step back
from how we used to be
from too much, too often
too young and too late
we got out in the end
and we're probably ok
and so on the occasion
when i drive by the place
it's strange to think
of how much it's changed
not the fading white walls
or the lonely views
just the friends
who used to sit on that roof.
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13. |
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i've been seeing your face
at night in my dreams
you visit so sudden
as if everything seems
closer than it's ever been
to seeing you again
but wouldn't be right
except for now and then
probably downtown in the company
of the company we share
in some drinking establishment
i probably won't care to be in
for the hours spending
my pockets away again
i know it's not right
but it happens now and then
and i'll wake in the morning
and wonder if it was all a dream
because you visit so sudden
and everything seems
alright for an instance
because i saw you again
but it's only a moment
that happens now and then
and when i drink to myself
another night in a row
i think that i should write you
but i already know
that a letter can't begin to say
and a song won't make amends
i've been doing it all wrong these days
but it happens now and then
and i've been seeing your face
at night in my dreams
you visit so sudden
as if everything seems
closer than it's ever been
to seeing you again
but wouldn't be right
except for now and then.
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14. |
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and i look forward to hearing from you
your voice on the end of the line
convincing there's hope in some normalcy
even if it's as fleeting as mine
it's funny the way we move in small circles
around and back over again
the way we're in orbit, we push off and get close
and it never amounts in the end
and i honestly can't say i can believe in much more
than the patterns laid out and before me
we're all so misleading, and we tire so easy
before we find out what all this means
so let's make up our minds now, so we can begin
i don't think i'd care for it half way
reality happens, it's coming on quickly
if you're ready i promise to do the same.
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15. |
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a couple more cycles
and you're probably done
and then you can call it a day
sell the sea in your veins
to ensure you'll get by
oh poseidon would done the same
there's no shame in this living
it's just how it'll be
until it won't be like this anymore
there was a dream at some point
at the heart of it all
that leaves you believing in more
the same heart that still pumps
all the blood that you sell
to ensure that for now you'll get by
and it's silly sometimes
to be upset with your life
but sometimes you can't help
but ask why
but a couple more cycles
and you're probably done
and then you can call it a day
sell the sea in your veins
to ensure you'll get by
oh poseidon would done the same.
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16. |
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oh, i'm sailing away my own true love
i'm sailing away in the morning
is there something i can send you from across the sea?
from the place that i'll be landing?
no, there's nothing you can send me, my own true love
there's nothing i wish to be owning
just carry yourself back to me unspoiled
from across that lonesome ocean
oh, but i just thought you might want something fine
made of silver or of golden
either from the mountains of madrid
or from the coast of barcelona
oh, but if i had the stars from the darkest night
and the diamonds from the deepest ocean
i'd forsake them all for your sweet kiss
for that's all i'm wishing to be owning
that i might be gone a long time
and it's only that i'm asking
is there something i can send you to remember me by?
to make your time more easy passing?
oh, how can, how can you ask me again?
it only brings me sorrow
the same thing i want from you today
i would want again tomorrow
i got a letter on a lonesome day,
it was from her ship a-sailin'
saying i don't know when i'll be coming back again
it depends on how i'm a-feelin'
well, if you, my love, must think that-a-way
i'm sure your mind is roaming
and I'm sure your heart is not with me
but with the country to where you're going
so take heed, take heed of the western wind
take heed of the stormy weather
and yes, there's something you can send back to me
spanish boots of spanish leather.
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17. |
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under false pretenses
and a bottle of gin
i would sneak out at night
so i could pretend
in love with the mirror
and in love with the din of it
there's nothing in my eyes
but malicious intent
i'm so rotten sometimes
with how i lie and i cheat
and i take from the ones
who try to get close to me
it's hard to accept sometimes
but the problem might be
i'm just a terrible human being.
and still there are words i can't find
so i'll start with the truth
i'm losing my mind
and my life is the proof
i'm running around
and not sure what to do
but there's no excuse
for how I've treated you.
so I can't ask for forgiveness
it's too good to receive
and I deserve what's in store
because I didn't believe
in myself or in others or in anything
I've been empty for a while
but now you see.
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18. |
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ava, my friend turns 4
in the summertime
it's months away
but it's always on her mind
it's strange to me
about where we'll be in time
ava has no idea
and neither do i.
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19. |
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it's a long way down
and it's a long way back
but we'll figure it out
and get back on track
as the hours get shorter
and the evening becomes
the way we exist in
it gives us time to
run it all through
again and again
watch history repeat itself
inside of our heads
and the little methods
we use to make sense of it all
and i know i've been here before
a thousand recollections
i don't care for anymore
oh it's back and forth
and sometimes it seems
there's no solution
for how things ought to be
and i know that we're able
and someday we'll forget
about how history repeats itself
inside of our heads
it's a long way down
and it's a long way back
but we'll figure it out
and get back on track
as the hours get shorter
and the evening becomes
the way we exist in
it gives us time to
run from all these thoughts
we've left here before
the ones we can't stand
and try to ignore
and i know i've been here before
a thousand recollections
i don't care for anymore.
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20. |
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be here
I'm taking the long way
driving home
from another wasted day
be here
on the back of the 80x
an empty bus home
is another way to say
be here
i've been thinking of moving too
from this state for a while
and i want to be there with you
be here
even though that you're leaving
i can hope all i want
but there's no good in believing.
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21. |
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there's a whirl of smoke
trailing out of my car
it spins through the air
and up to the stars
and maybe
someday it'll reach them
as i'm hoping for you
but until you come around
driving is all I can do
there's a whirl of smoke
that spins into view
from a balcony that overlooks
a coastline i knew
and maybe
someday you will reach it
as i'm hoping for you
but until you come around
driving is all I can do
and there's a whirl of smoke
while i wish you were here
and it's all i can do
to not disappear
completely and fully
as i've been hoping for you
but until you come around
driving is all I can do.
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22. |
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summer in the city means cleavage cleavage cleavage
and i start to miss you, baby, sometimes
i've been staying up and drinking in a late night establishment
telling strangers personal things
summer in the city, i'm so lonely lonely lonely
so i went to a protest just to rub up against strangers
and i did feel like coming but i also felt like crying
it doesn't seem so worth it right now
and the castrated ones stand in the corner smoking
they want to feel the bulges in their pants start to rise
at the site of a beautiful woman they feel nothing but
anger, her skin makes them sick in the night
nauseous, nauseous, nauseous.
summer in the city, i'm so lonely lonely lonely
i've been hallucinating you, babe, at the backs of other women
and i tap on their shoulder and they turn around smiling
but there's no recognition in their eyes
oh summer in the city means cleavage cleavage cleavage
and don't get me wrong, dear, in general i'm doing quite fine
it's just when it's summer in the city, and you're so long gone from the city
i start to miss you, baby, sometimes
when it's summer in the city
and you're so long gone from the city
istart to miss you, baby, sometimes
i start to miss you, baby, sometimes
i start to miss you, baby, sometimes
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23. |
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and there were beacons on the bay
we could try to swim
but it would probably be too far away
and i'm not worried about the cold
and i'm not scared to die
as much as i worry about growing old
i think i've seen this in my dreams
a thousand nights ago
it makes me laugh when i think
about how i've done this all before
under the same moon
this time of year
with a self i don't know anymore
it was a thousand nights ago
and there were beacons on the bay
to guide the ships into landfall
in such a splendid way
and we're not worried about the cold
and we're not scared to die
as much as we worry about growing old
but it's a thousand nights away.
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24. |
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the mississippi delta was shining
like a national guitar
i am following the river
down the highway
through the cradle of the civil war
I'm going to graceland
graceland
in memphis, tennessee
i'm going to graceland
poor boys and pilgrims with families
and we are going to graceland
my traveling companion is nine years old
he is the child of my first marriage
but i've reason to believe
we both will be received
in graceland
she comes back to tell me she's gone
as if i didn't know that
as if i didn't know my own bed
as if i'd never noticed
the way she brushed her hair from her forehead
and she said losing love
is like a window in your heart
everybody sees you're blown apart
everybody sees the wind blow
i'm going to graceland
memphis, tennessee
i'm going to graceland
poor boys and pilgrims with families
and we are going to graceland
and my traveling companions
are ghosts and empty sockets
i'm looking at ghosts and empties
but i've reason to believe
we all will be received
in graceland
there is a girl in new york city
who calls herself the human trampoline
and sometimes when I'm falling, flying
or tumbling in turmoil i say
oh, so this is what she means
she means we're bouncing into graceland
and i see losing love
is like a window in your heart
and everybody sees you're blown apart
everybody feels the wind blow
in graceland, in graceland
i'm going to graceland
for reasons i cannot explain
there's some part of me wants to see graceland
and i may be obliged to defend
every love, every ending
or maybe there's no obligations now
maybe i've a reason to believe
we all will be received
in graceland.
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25. |
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let's stay out under
a sunny day weekend
let's stay out
as only strangers have
we're up on rooftops
another way of living
this is what it's like to do
the best that we can.
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26. |
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when i leave you will still be here
when i leave you will still be here
when i leave you will still be here
when i leave I want you to run after me
when i leave I want you to follow me
when i leave I want you to come with me
california is just the place to be
the radio is going to get the best of me
and when i leave you better host a party for me
i’ve got only one year till i leave
so you better open up to me
you better open up to me
you better open up to me
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27. |
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and i know the words of the birds
they're floating by my window
in a sea of swords, swimming towards
a light that did misguide me
it's not hard for me to lose myself
it's not hard for me to lose myself
it's hard for me to lose myself
she said
because i've been picking flowers from a garden
sitting in my room and pressing them in books
and waiting for someone better
to bring me something better
put my words up to my chest
and i swear by the sun
i'm doing my best
i'm doing my best
it's not so bad after all, after all
there's an orange blossom
growing out my window
it's not so bad after all, after all
last night i dreamt my cat
was an angel
where we've come
where we've been
where we're going
it's all the same
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28. |
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i've been thinking of
up inside my head
warmer weather to
pass the evenings in
glowing pink skies mean
another sun that's set
another day's gone by
another day well spent
kids on skateboards
playing on the street
a sprinkler soundtrack
for a perfect scene
and my friends head over
from the jobs they love
because we all get together still
as we have for months
and our party never ends
in the August glow
we never take it for granted
because that's not how it goes
no more months of rain
sitting alone
only good times
like we've always known
like kids on skateboards
playing in the street
and a sprinkler soundtrack
reminding me of how it used to be.
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29. |
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as we're driving away
we just know how it is
heading north through the fields
that we worked in as kids
we pass row after row
as they form up in lines
for a handful of pennies
and a pocketful of dimes
the moths on my door
they reminds me of habits
i thought I didn't have anymore
in the valley we all
have a vice or three
in the backs of our closets
or under our sleeves
under our sleeves.
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30. |
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sometimes around downtown
i think about him
i can't begin to understand what it's like
to not know how to love or sleep
and i'll never know
all of the things that came to be
and though it all seems wrong
it hasn't changed a thing
and he's been stumbling up to strangers
with some swell card tricks
that he made up
"i had a lot of women" he'd say
"you should have seen old rick back then"
in saigon, another lifetime
seen better days that were left behind
alongside friends who always find
their way from graves back to his mind
once you were 22 like me
but i can't speak a fraction of your truth
and slurred as is, you're beautiful
and i wish there was something i could do
there's no shame in where you're going
there's no shame in places that you've been
and there's no goddamn shame in
crying on your knees over the linoleum
i don't know much, i'm not here to judge
and there's nothing that I can say for sure
but when the bars close
i hope you find some peace and
you get home safely, sir.
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31. |
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the train left
before you could catch your breath
in between heartbeats in the backseat
there were secrets kept
and it was the 9 0 3
and it's been dawning on me
about how we're going about this all wrong
and now i see
but the train left
before we could catch our breath
these words are straight from your lips
but there secrets kept
straight from your lips
but there secrets kept.
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released February 24, 2012
for those of you interested or curious, i meant to write this out earlier, but just found the time tonight to write some notes/clarifications and some acknowledgements about this song-a-day recording project i took part in with alex minneker.
"31 days" was an album / music project about exactly that: to record some songs and sounds from january 21st - february 21st. a lot of nights were spent holed up in various bedrooms, bathrooms, porch fronts and automobiles writing and recording. and because a lot of it is pretty lo-fi, i included the lyrics, even though i was reluctant to do so at first.
as far as tracking goes, it's definitely a lot of noise to filter through, so feel free to take your time, if you'd like, they are ordered in the order they were recorded. i also indulged in some covers: mostly the tunes that have been stuck in my head at night, or while driving around, or at work. it ended up being about an hour and a half of music and all of it's free. i might make some physical copies, but will probably rerecord everything first. regardless, i sincerely hope you enjoy what you hear.
for any questions, comments, concerns, or hate mail about "31 days", please send them along to my e-mail: teocrider@gmail.com. i try to respond to everything.
in conclusion, thank you to alex minneker, for partaking in this madness as well. you can find his version of the song a month project, "acme song bank", here:
thefireorgan.bandcamp.com/album/acme-song-bank. he's a fantastic songwriter, and his album is absolutely worth multiple listens. also, there is a cover of seattle singer-songwriter whitney ballen's "california state". please enjoy the original and far superior version here:
whitneyballen.bandcamp.com/album/gentle-tape.
thank you to my housemates, who put up with the whole process, and who's voices can be heard in the background of most of the songs, though are uncredited for doing so. and finally, a very important thank you to my friend ron perry, for helping me remember that i still like writing and recording songs, even if they're sad.
-t.
february 27th, 2012
